Terrible Sex with Naseem

02:12.36
danmetiv
Good morning, good evening and good night. My terrible listeners. You're tuned into terrible sex with Naseem. I'm producer Dan and each week I have the honor of bringing you registered nurse aspiring sex educator. Polyamory enthusiast and true woman of the people Naseem. She tells us stories answers our questions and helps us feel more comfortable around our worlds infinite variety of sexuality send your questions comments and especially your voice memos to Naseem this shows best when you get involved. Her contact info is on her website at http://terriblesexwithNaseem.com hey Naseem, how's it going.

02:56.30
Naseem
Hey Dan it's good I'm a little groggy but I'm feeling good. It's not a bad thing I worked the last three nights at the hospital it was stupid work and it was very busy and I like.

03:02.47
danmetiv
Oh no, no.

03:08.33
danmetiv
Work.

03:16.70
Naseem
Slept all day and so I'm sort of like kind of recovering but it's a good thing and I'm glad to be here I'm excited today. How are you doing.

03:25.29
danmetiv
Man I'm excited if you're excited I'm feeling pretty good I've had a long couple of days too. But man I'm happy to be here and I'm happy to be with you.

03:35.00
Naseem
Excellent, excellent I also have a friend visiting this weekend. She's here to she got into Chicago tonight. Um, and after we record I'm going to make myself look semi-pres presentable and go hang out with her for a little bit. So ah, she.

03:40.54
danmetiv
Ooh.

03:48.14
danmetiv
Awesome! Why isn't she a guest on our show.

03:54.96
Naseem
Somehow didn't even know I had a podcast until today I swear to god I swear to god I told her and jar told her and then she's like what's your show like what do you mean? What's my show. You mean we haven't been like blasting it all over the walls. But anyway.

03:56.20
danmetiv
What what the fuck.

04:10.22
danmetiv
Man I don't even want her on the show now.

04:12.66
Naseem
Ah, she'd be a good one too. She's got some stories anyway. Ah, she's from back home from Michigan. Yeah, she's she's also a nurse worked the thick of covid in the covid I see you back home. So.

04:17.64
danmetiv
Where anyway, where's she from pure Michigan.

04:32.59
Naseem
She definitely has some some stories for sure. Yeah, but kind of I mean I didn't go to Nam but I imagine it feels somewhat similar. But anyway.

04:34.29
danmetiv
Yeah, y'all been through the shit together like like a couple of um vets.

04:48.10
danmetiv
Anyway, oh man I got answers.

04:51.47
Naseem
Hey Dan I have a question for you good I want to start this ah episode off by asking you. What do you think of when you hear the words bdsm. Like what comes to your mind. What images. Do you see.

05:07.99
danmetiv
I Mean the the images that come to mind are all leather and whips and tall heels and I know some partner in a compromised position. Probably handcuffed and on their knees and maybe on their elbows. That's what comes to my mind.

05:32.78
Naseem
All right? and I think that is probably a similar image that most people have when we talk about ddsm. Um, but what's really interesting is that our idea. Of bdsm and kink comes from a very interesting place like our modern ideas of that and the images that we see what if I told you that. How we think or many of the aspects of beauty is on that we think of today come from of all places science fiction.

06:16.59
danmetiv
I That would surprise me I would I would call Bullshit and I would have to look it up on the internet.

06:24.10
Naseem
Well, you can. But I'm going to tell you a little bit about what I know about the gore chronicles. So so now I'm not going to get.

06:34.40
danmetiv
Yeah, lay it on us.

06:40.82
Naseem
Real deep into Plotline or anything like that. Um, no, one's here for a plotline. There's just a little a little bit of some backstory and then kind of bringing it into the modern day all right now. Ah.

06:44.39
danmetiv
Nobody's here for a plotline. We came for the whips.

06:52.11
danmetiv
In.

06:57.17
Naseem
Masochism is nothing new like it's been going on for centuries. But in 1966 this guy but and by the name of John Lang writing under the pseudonym of John Norman he was a philosophy professor this guy which is very interesting. He wrote this science fiction story called the tarnsman of gore that's g o r yes and it is a series of science fiction books 36 books to be exact in this series. Yeah.

07:19.72
danmetiv
The tarnsman of gore.

07:30.47
danmetiv
Wow.

07:34.55
Naseem
And each of these stories. It's like no the first book is called the Tarnsman of Gora Ah, it's just the gore series. So each of the so it takes place on this planet called Gore G O r.

07:35.60
danmetiv
And the whole series is called the tarnsman of gore. Okay, what's the series called do we know? Okay, yeah.

07:53.92
Naseem
And it's basically a bunch of like space adventures. But what's interesting is the Gorian society that's described in these adventures and in the Society. You've got this ruling class of men and they have basically a slave class of women and some of these some of these women are born into this submission.

08:22.68
danmetiv
Ok.

08:29.54
Naseem
Some of them are captured and are forced into this slave class and it's a sexual slave class. Of course it is and these women are sex.

08:37.29
danmetiv
Um, of course.

08:43.34
danmetiv
Man I'm looking at some of the covers of these books and there's some top quality art.

08:48.47
Naseem
Ah, right? It's like classic like mid 60 s science fiction sword and planet kind of stuff. Um, super super I good is one way of putting it.

08:53.10
danmetiv
Yeah, it.

08:59.20
danmetiv
Yeah, it's real good.

09:06.99
danmetiv
E.

09:07.30
Naseem
It's definitely got a vibe right? So in these books. Basically you've got these men who are ah masters of these of subservient women called Kajira which is the the slave girl essentially and. 1 of the ways that men control or show ownership of their Kajira is to collar them so they'll put a collar on them which if you know anything about modern-day ds dynamics. It's a very common practice for doms to. Collar their subs with some form of jewelry or like an actual like dog collar and things like that. Yeah so I know people who are collared and who have collared partners so they're not from gore.

09:48.29
danmetiv
Yeah I've seen that on the internet.

09:56.19
danmetiv
And they are not from gore.

10:01.42
Naseem
It's It's interesting because this is such a like ubiquitous part of the lifestyle and I don't think a lot of people realize like where it comes from um unless they do some amount of research. But I think that a lot of people just sort of like get into it.

10:13.80
danmetiv
Right.

10:18.84
Naseem
Without an understanding of the background and the background is a little seedy I'll be honest with you. So like these books they are kind of brutal towards women and now in the books, the women learn either. They initially like what's happening to them or. They learn to ah enjoy their submission over time and that's actually part of gorion philosophy and gorion training. Um because this is now not something that is. Just in the science fiction realm it has it has evolved into something that happens in real life. There are actual people who practice gorian lifestyle None um even so and we'll get. Into that a little bit more but essentially ah a lot of things that we see now with um, ah punishments with ah with the collaring Leashs. Master slave dynamics. Ah ah, master so dominant submission dynamics those a lot of that comes from these books um or at least are a callback to the books and.

11:47.83
danmetiv
Right? right.

11:51.44
Naseem
In gorian' society and a lot of what we call like old guard Bdsm. There's a lot of training involved you train. You're submissive to submit to you in a way that is pleasing to you and your submissive like wants to do this for you. This is something That's very important to point out this is a consent consensual relationship.

12:17.62
danmetiv
Nowadays This is consensual on gore Maybe this wasn't consensual.

12:20.70
Naseem
Right? Like I haven't read the books but some of the books do come from the perspective of like a slave girl. So a Kajira let's call her. Um and so it gets like her perspective on like what's happening in the adventure.

12:27.13
danmetiv
E.

12:38.24
Naseem
And I can't speak to exactly what happens in these novels I haven't read them. But um, it's in the modern day. This is a consensual relationship these Kajira as there's in some circles they still call them Kajira the women. Do want to actively submit just like I I am a submissive I actively want to submit to my dominant. Maybe not in a None collaring leashing so lifestyle but there is some aspect to that that I do relate to.

13:15.22
danmetiv
Well the eleventh book in the series is called slave girl slave girl of gore and maybe this one's for you. So.

13:16.46
Naseem
Um.

13:22.77
Naseem
Maybe this one's for me I'll have to give it a read. Um, but there was some controversy around these books as you can imagine. So this is going on during the 60 s and seventy s it's civil rights movement. You've got none wave feminism um, there was a bit of controversy and. They actually there was so much so that they went out of print in the 1980 s so they stopped they stopped writing them. They stopped printing them in the 80 s um but there was a resurgence of interest with of course the internet. Are you familiar with second life dan.

14:01.66
danmetiv
Ah, like the weird game I'm I'm very mildly familiar with it I didn't even know it was still around but tell tell us more.

14:05.26
Naseem
Ah, it's a game. Yes.

14:15.90
Naseem
Yeah, so second life is a virtual reality game sort of where you log on to a website you have an avatar that you can dress up or adoren or. Make However, you want um, either like your real self or your fantasy self and it's almost like like the game the sims where you like create. You know you build houses and um have a monetary system. But it's you so people have actually met other real breathing people. But in second life. It's your second life and it's a virtual reality and people get really.

15:07.21
danmetiv
Yeah, there's an episode of the office based around that in season four I do believe So it's been around a long time.

15:10.10
Naseem
Involved. Okay, yeah, and there's I It has been around a very long time I know I know someone who met her husband on second life. No yeah.

15:22.66
danmetiv
Are you kidding me I had no idea people were still on second life.

15:29.20
Naseem
Um, I also know someone whose husband left her for someone that he met on second life. So yeah, so it's It's a apparently it's a really, um, it's ah it's a real thing that people really engage in and.

15:34.60
danmetiv
Whoa Second life is where to party people.

15:48.30
Naseem
Through second life gorion's society kind of had a resurgence so people really teenage boys. Of course it's the late 90 s there's teenage boys on the internet and they're on second life and they.

15:51.53
danmetiv
Okay. Of course.

16:07.29
Naseem
Start to develop these gorion clubs and these Gorian Fantasy networks and presumably women would ah because you can have your avatar look like anything like you don't actually know.

16:21.78
danmetiv
Of course you can.

16:24.82
Naseem
Who's on the other side of the screen but presumably there's women who are acting as Kajira and so they end up building a little virtual mini version of the planet gore on second life with the social caste system with. The same kind of language and society infrastructures and like everything that's in the books is now real and somewhat tangible for people to experience and that's kind of how. This lifestyle translated from these books from this fantasy fictional book to ah everyday living breathing people practicing Gorian Bdsm it's pretty

17:19.97
danmetiv
Unbelievable 1

17:21.98
Naseem
Wild I think it's pretty cool. Um, and you know say what you want about like people like master and slave relationships if it's a consenting ah idea then. I don't see the harm in it if people are willingly doing this and willingly engaging in these behaviors then I don't see an issue ah especially because I know for me as a sub now I'm not doing I would never consider myself like a slave girl or a Kajira but. Like as a sub I serve my dom because it's not just about serving him. My submission is something I willingly give there's a saying that submission is a gift. Um, and. It's because I know that my dominant is going to protect me. My dominant is going to look after me have my best interests in mind right? That's why we submit because we're being taken care of at the same time in a healthy dom sub environment right? exactly.

18:28.32
danmetiv
Right? You're getting what you want out of it like it. It's total like Tit for tat.

18:35.36
Naseem
Exactly exactly and um, sometimes like with the training um training how to be a good, a good sub isn't just about being a good sub. It's also about self-discipline.

18:51.94
danmetiv
E.

18:55.20
Naseem
Um, and I think like for me, that's really important like my dominant will tell me very matter-of-factly very bluntly like when it's time to take my medication and that's important for me and like he is teaching me how to. Take care of myself when I could not take care of myself in other ways, right? So There is a very there is a beneficial ah relationship. There. Not just for me serving him but for him also serving me even though he's my dominant. Um, but there's also. Aside from the training aspects of it. It's really interesting because when you said that there's like the image you had in your mind is of a person like on their knees that image comes directly from these gore novels because exactly.

19:45.57
danmetiv
Well looking at the covers I had it nailed.

19:51.35
Naseem
So within the structure and the protocols there are different positions for submissives like that classic image of a woman with a collar on her knees and her hands up with her Palms up and her head down that there's ah a. A name for that pose in Gorian Society I'm not going to say it because I'm probably going to get it wrong. Um, and there's like a whole list of them and there's there's a protocol in ways you're supposed to behave around your your master ah ways you're supposed to. Um, interact with other dominant who aren't your dominance and other other Kajira Just it's this whole society that exists in this world exists both in a very. Literal way in modern society like within this subculture about what fascinates me is how it's translated to like Mainstream bdsm and Mainstream sex. Yeah.

21:01.88
danmetiv
Yeah, that is fascinating. That's that's really that's really cool. That's totally interesting and like man looking at these books this is like right out of the same time as like dungeons and dragons and.

21:18.40
Naseem
Exactly It's like.

21:20.94
danmetiv
It looks like everybody who was working on dungeons and Dragons art came over and did like and some some of the gore art and talk on huge muscles. Huge boobs loin cloths some of them got like dragons or big flying. Um.

21:28.12
Naseem
Yeah, exactly it's It's very much in the same vein and not and.

21:40.93
danmetiv
Falcons or something. It's some pretty rad art.

21:42.40
Naseem
Yeah, well also Gorian society in the novels is loosely based on Greco-roman society. Um, so yeah, so there's a little bit of that in the books. Um, and.

21:51.44
danmetiv
I can see that.

22:00.59
Naseem
John Norman actually wrote another novel called excuse me. It was a nonfiction piece called imaginative sex and that book is kind of like a like a guide. It's like a. Guide for heterosexual couples to have different fantasy scenes in the bedroom and it's not now John Norman was not someone who said, yes, the things that I wrote in my books, the gorian society the gorian way of life. Is how things should be. He didn't believe that um he didn't believe that we should have none master slave because he said that it was detrimental to someone's psyche but that even though he was the author of these books that he's said that the fandom.

22:45.31
danmetiv
And.

22:54.96
Naseem
Didn't really include that in how they in how they went forward? Um, um, they did so in true gorian networks it is None master slave dynamic with.

22:58.80
danmetiv
Right? They they interpret it a little deeper.

23:13.39
Naseem
All of the bells and whistles and high protocols that go with it.

23:15.50
danmetiv
Man if you're a gorehound living out there in your None life we want to hear send us a send us a message send us an email send us a voicemail I want to hear from you if your master allows it if he'll let you out of the house for a minute.

23:25.29
Naseem
If your master allows if your master allows it. Yes, it's it's super important I think it's a super interesting perspective. Um I'd love to know more about like what do the submissives get out of it. Um. And do they feel if they let's say they are doing it for like 5 years and they have a master for like 5 years and they're living in their house none and then they decide that they want a little bit more autonomy and they want to leave the gorian lifestyle how. Easy or how possible is it to change your relationship dynamic with your partner. Um, if you've been living this way for so long like I am I am really curious to see. Or talk to somebody who's made that transition. Um from such high protocol to a little bit more lenient way of doing things. Um.

24:33.94
danmetiv
Yeah I'd love to hear it I think that would be a fascinating conversation that really I'd just be a fly on the wall for I Want to hear you go toe to toe with those folks.

24:41.17
Naseem
Yeah, ah yeah for sure. Um I think that'd be really cool. What's also interesting that I want to point out is even though that the society on gore is described as it's definitely a patriarchy right. But um, it's also there are examples from the books of what they call free women and these are women who either broke out of slavery or somehow got out of it or like weren't involved. And they themselves are now masters or mistresses and yeah and they can take on slave boys ah are called Kajiro. So there's Kajira that are the girls and then there's Kajiro which are the. Slave boys and it's less talked about and it's like more of like a it's interesting. It's a subculture within the subculture. Um, of course. But what's cool about that I think is.

25:47.12
danmetiv
Of course.

25:55.70
Naseem
You know, traditionally when we think of dominant and submissive. We don't think about them in terms of female dominance. Um, but it's becoming more and more talked about and more and more prevalent. Ah.

26:01.27
danmetiv
Right.

26:13.32
Naseem
I follow a lot of female doms on Tiktok and it's very cool to see. Um, unfortunately, there's still like the stigma that like women can't be doms or like. There will be guys who will be like oh you just haven't been with the right Dom or I could so make you submit and like that's bullshit right? like so um, but and the thing is that there are men who willingly want to submit um to yeah, absolutely.

26:33.29
danmetiv
3 of course of course.

26:44.62
danmetiv
Heck yeah.

26:47.13
Naseem
And I think that we're talking about it more and it's becoming more socially acceptable at least within you know this niche circle. Ah, it's it's becoming. There's more a light being shined on it. Um.

27:03.19
danmetiv
Right.

27:06.76
Naseem
And it's a conversation I think that more people need to have and you know don't be afraid of if you're feeling like this way about your sexuality if you're feeling like you want to express yourself whether it's to be more dominant or to be more submissive like there's precedent for that. And you're not weird. Um I mean there have been at least None books written about it. So why? not Um, yeah I mean and there are some cons to this lifestyle I get it like there's a lot of criticism about gorian culture. How it could be if in the wrong hands. It could be abusive um and a channel for like sex trafficking and things like that which unfortunately there are cases of that having happened but on the whole I think absolutely.

27:51.78
danmetiv
Sure sure.

27:57.87
danmetiv
But that's with any sexual practice anytime and I'm not downplaying sexual trafficking. That's a totally different thing these were talking about adults consenting with adults about the practices that they're involved with.

28:04.11
Naseem
Um, and but I think on the whole it's of.

28:14.36
Naseem
Absolutely Yes, Yes, um, but I think on the whole it's a perfectly acceptable way to live one's life and don't let anybody and don't let anybody tell you otherwise yeah, so.

28:27.19
danmetiv
Totally hell no.

28:34.23
Naseem
That's a brief history on Gorion society the books of gore and kind of how it translates to the modern day and how we got here. Um.

28:45.74
danmetiv
I Love that I think we're gonna have some links to a little more information on the website. Um.

28:50.56
Naseem
Yeah, yeah, absolutely I got most of my information from ah honestly Fetlife. Um, there's a lot of people who practice that I have talked to on fet life. So um, just anecdotal information but also like wicked.

29:06.70
danmetiv
Ah.

29:09.76
Naseem
Wikipedia you know say what you want about Wikipedia but I think it's actually a really great source of information. Um, yeah, and then also um, imaginative sex by John Norman as well. So I'll put links up to all of the different places you can find info.

29:13.66
danmetiv
Oh yeah, it absolutely is.

29:27.93
Naseem
Um, if it's something you're interested in or something you want to look more into and I I have left out a lot of information about Goion's society I just wanted to get to the real nuts and bolts of it. But there's yeah I mean.

29:39.15
danmetiv
Man there's 25 novels on this thing. There's there's plenty of research for you folks to do get out there.

29:46.62
Naseem
It's kind of like it. It is kind of like one of those because it is science fiction but it's one of it's like Science Fiction Space Fantasy Um, but it does have like its own rich culture. It has its own language its own alphabet. Um, it's entire way of of being. It's like it's really like going somewhere and experiencing another people's culture. It's fascinating to me like if you like lord of the rings like they have you know elvish and stuff like that. It's kind of reminds me of that.

30:25.31
danmetiv
Yeah, this is this is less sci-fi and more like high fantasy on a different planet.

30:31.96
Naseem
Exactly exactly I think they call that genre um Swords and planets. That's this ah sword and it's a sword and planet novel which is like a subculture within science fiction or a sub.

30:41.47
danmetiv
That's good name for a band.

30:49.71
Naseem
Ah subgenre within Science fiction. Yeah.

30:52.80
danmetiv
I mean into it totally interesting and I've already added book one to my Kindle playlist is it Kindle no to the? ah, whatever the fucking Amazon.

31:00.23
Naseem
All right.

31:07.51
Naseem
Yeah, Kindle Audible Audible sponsor us. So yeah, so ah, that's right.

31:10.53
danmetiv
Damn no I'm talking about the audio books whenever audible gonna use 1 of my audible credits on that. It's right, get some of that big book money.

31:25.44
Naseem
But that's the book of gore That's ah those are the chronicles. It is a little bit about the series. Um, and yeah, yeah, science fiction started it all well started some of it.

31:30.97
danmetiv
Fascinating I had no idea.

31:42.17
danmetiv
That's awesome. All right, do me a favor do a speed test on your computer. You know how to do that? Yeah, that's fun. Are you downstairs? Oh okay.

31:45.72
Naseem
Just go to Google. No I'm at my apartment.

31:59.23
Naseem
Ah.

31:59.27
danmetiv
What's your network like there.

32:04.82
Naseem
I Don't know what you mean by that my network is like ah I don't know it's not my place.

32:07.19
danmetiv
Your your internet.

32:14.64
danmetiv
We're about to find out.

32:16.83
Naseem
How do I find? Ah okay I am it's doing it right now.

32:18.67
danmetiv
Just Google speed test and Google actually has one. Okay.

32:27.99
Naseem
Download Twenty six point Twenty Four upload None okay

32:32.37
danmetiv
Okay, right? That should be legit here breaking up some of the time I know it's all being recorded on your end. So it's fine. Oh I'm just trying to get a feel for what.

32:43.59
Naseem
Ah, right.

32:51.30
danmetiv
Things are like on this this this year's Zen caster.

32:53.80
Naseem
Okay, so that's my so that's my not my story but that's a story about many stories.

33:02.84
danmetiv
I Love it.

33:06.55
Naseem
So you got some questions for me today. Dan.

33:08.38
danmetiv
Oh man, do I have questions who.

33:12.37
Naseem
Well do you have any questions about what I just talked about None of all.

33:16.21
danmetiv
Ah, no I was just nodding my head and perusing the internet for.

33:23.45
Naseem
Ah, glad you're glad glad you're paying attention.

33:25.46
danmetiv
Ah, ah well that was great to seem I learned a lot that's not true I listened and enjoyed and I was looking at pictures on the internet of gorion characters.

33:40.82
Naseem
Cool So hit me with some questions.

33:42.60
danmetiv
A arrive hey naim my boyfriend wants me to squirt on him but I don't know how to do that. Any advice.

33:50.81
Naseem
You can't intentionally squirt I don't think you can um if he wants. Yeah, it's it's something you're either going to do or you're not I think maybe you can.

33:57.81
danmetiv
Well then Porn has lied to me.

34:08.42
Naseem
Train yourself to um, question Mark ah, but like so not everyone can do it None of all um, and squirting is something that takes a lot of stimulation. So. Don't feel like you're the one who has to be responsible for the squirting if he wants you to squirt on him. Well then he's going to have to put in the work to make that happen. Um and just reminder squirting is mostly peeing. So.

34:45.74
danmetiv
Well now listen you and I are going to have to talk a little about that from my research it is not peeing. It is fluid that can engorge the bladder.

34:46.52
Naseem
Keep that in mind.

35:04.39
danmetiv
We're still not sure where it comes from and it gets forced out from the bladder but the level of Urea that is in squirt seems to be much lower than in typical urine. So.

35:19.20
Naseem
I'm not saying it is urine I'm saying there's there's urine in it.

35:21.24
danmetiv
You just said it was mostly urine. Well yes that I I ah from my under understanding and all of my deep seated internet research that seems to be the case now I'm gonna delete.

35:26.98
Naseem
So.

35:39.79
danmetiv
A lot of this conversation because I don't want to present as knowledgeable that fucks up our whole thing but careful with saying that it is p because it's it's It's not the same thing.

35:50.77
Naseem
Ah, it is it. It is. It's do you want me to you want me to Rere rerecord that but okay.

35:58.62
danmetiv
Entirely. Ah, we don't we don't even have to answer that. But it's not the None time I've heard that and I I don't think it's quite an accurate statement.

36:10.24
Naseem
It's I'm not saying it's not mostly p I may have said that but there is urine in the fluid that comes out when you squirt because it is stimulated with the bladder.

36:22.80
danmetiv
Yep I think that's an accurate answer from my deep internet research. Yeah, nobody's ever squirted on me but I'm not allowed to say that on the internet.

36:26.28
Naseem
Curse your deep internet research.

36:33.67
Naseem
I've never ecorted I know I've never escorted on anybody bunch of.

36:37.34
danmetiv
Man look at us couple of fucking not squirting fools now I'm dropping a marker here. We'll come back and edit all of this.

36:49.91
Naseem
Ah, that's probably a good good idea. My show notes are gonna be a mess.

36:56.42
danmetiv
Um, ah, um, he na seem I just started having sex losing my virginity recently and I just started experience problems having erections I've never had such problems before. And during things like head and hand jobs I have no problems but it seems as soon as the condom is put on I can no longer maintain an erection is this something to worry about.

37:24.26
Naseem
It's not something to worry about it is something to get used to um because the sensation you have when you're by yourself or when you're doing a blowjob or handoff. Hand job or masturbating because there isn't that layer of of there's not that barrier. There. It's a different kind of feeling than when you have a condom on also make sure the condom's the right size. Um, and that it fits you. Because you can lose sensation if it's too tight. Um and just understand that there's going to be some very slight differences in how things may feel and the act of putting a condom on may. Maybe be distracting right now but do not use this as an excuse to not wear a condom because you think that you can't get it up with ah without a condom because that is just inexperience talking. There's nothing wrong with you. You're just inexperienced to not. Not used to this practice yet Dan you can take it from here.

38:39.50
danmetiv
Yeah, man it It might just be your head. Don't put so much pressure on your dick and if you want to get used to that sensation jerk off with a condom on start practicing and.

38:54.83
Naseem
That's great advice. Great in place.

38:58.92
danmetiv
When you get in there and you're ready to have sex and you put that condom on I mean that is a momentous occasion especially when it's one that you don't do very often because you're just starting out So don't put so much pressure on you know, Maybe. Talk to your partner about how sometimes this is a problem and you need to work through it and maybe you put it on to start with and then you start with the hand Jobs. Don't put all the pressure on your dick condomon in Vagina and then yeah take the pressure off the dick do some practice have your partner put the condom on.

39:27.78
Naseem
Have your part have your partner put the condom on you.

39:34.83
danmetiv
Have fun and don't worry too much about getting a penis in a vagina make sure everybody comes or what? yeah just make sure she comes make sure you come and make sure she's happy.

39:38.70
Naseem
Or anywhere else. Yes, or anywhere else. The penis may go. Yeah, it's just a dick.

39:53.34
danmetiv
Dicks are gonna be just fine hey Naim Squirt is it just peeing.

40:02.36
Naseem
Ah, no actually and that's a common misconception that it's fully urine Now. There is some urine in the fluid that comes out when one squirts because the bladder is. Stimulated and engorged ah as I often like to say engorged is one of my favorite words on this podcast. Um, so there is involvement of the bladder when squirting occurs so there is some leakage and some fluid that comes. From the Bladder. Ah, but it's not the same thing as peeing. Um, even though there may be some urine in the fluid. But again because we don't know a lot about female ejaculate or female Orgasms. The Jury's still out on what everything truly is.

40:59.76
danmetiv
Bodies are weird and wonderful things and the kids love to squirt. They all got questions about it.

41:10.88
Naseem
Squirting is like the topic of the day. Apparently.

41:41.60
danmetiv
Hainnessim. My boyfriend who's discovering a lot about himself since dating me. He's asexual but very sex positive he found out. He really likes my thighs to he found out. He really likes my thighs today and asked if I could squeeze his body with them. He also asked about squeezing his face I've done a lot of research on sex because I find it interesting but a thigh kink has escaped my expertise and I want to please my partner. What should I do.

42:08.67
Naseem
I mean ask him it sounds like he wants you to squeeze his so squeeze himself between your thighs so squeeze them between your thighs like I don't know what else to tell you like do you want like like technique I don't know. Um, he wants I mean my initial reaction is to like say sit on his face. But um, one thing I don't know open your legs like sit down in a chair have him like Kneel in front of you put his face in between your legs and just like so. Like you're on one of those ad doctor machines or something. Um, ah yeah, ask him what he wants and go for it and don't be don't be scared.

42:56.38
danmetiv
But man kudos to you for being willing like it's kind of weird hey my boyfriend wants me to squeeze his face with my thighs kind of weird. But I think it's awesome that you're like hey my boyfriend wants me to squeeze his face with my thighs. How should I do that. That's great that you're willing to go there that you're willing to try ask him does he want you to squeeze his thighs while you're wearing jeans while you're wearing leggings while you're not wearing any pants at all while you're wearing a skirt. Maybe you should try them All. Bring some outfits say what should I put on before I squeeze your face with my thighs If you're gonna squeeze this face with your thighs.

43:31.11
Naseem
Ooh.

43:33.22
danmetiv
Make sure that he's got a way to breathe and if he doesn't have a way to breathe while you're squeezing his face make sure you guys talk about hide to tap out of that like in wrestling and stuff make sure you're doing it safe. Make sure you doesn't die between your thighs because you're squeezing so hard and you didn't plan ahead a little bit.

43:49.19
Naseem
I Mean that might that might be how he wants to go out also. But.

43:51.90
danmetiv
To figure out how to get out of that. It's a great way to go out. But maybe he wants to experience thighs a little longer than that make sure you talk about that before you smother him to death. Please.

44:05.16
Naseem
That's great advice. Yeah I like the idea of like dressing a certain way to so who thigh high socks dudes. Love that Also especially because like it's it.

44:08.35
danmetiv
Totally can you imagine like oh man, all the different feelings in your face. Yeah, they sure do.

44:22.76
Naseem
Yeah, everything's covered but then then like it. It leads to the prize which is the thigh. So um, thighhi socks. Maybe ah yeah.

44:25.33
danmetiv
Right.

44:32.22
danmetiv
Ooh, Maybe some cable knit thigh highs and then like fall time.

44:36.84
Naseem
Yeah, and then like a skirt that you can like lift up and like slowly like slide up your legs or something.

44:40.56
danmetiv
Yeah, go to a movie. Let him touch your thigh knowing he's gonna get his face smothered by thighs.

44:45.69
Naseem
Or okay, okay, you're sitting next to each other. He has his hands on your thighs. You have him put his hand between your legs and you slightly squeeze to like tease him for later. Yeah I'm in yes.

44:58.63
danmetiv
Oh boy man right? write us back Tell us how this goes because this sounds super fun.

45:05.62
Naseem
I I that sounds amazing. Enjoy have fun.

45:08.70
danmetiv
Maybe I have a thigh fetish now I Hope you start an internet site with your asexual boyfriend. This sounds perfect. Okay.

45:17.41
Naseem
Sounds amazing. Good job.

45:26.22
danmetiv
I Don't like that one.

45:37.66
danmetiv
Um, heynessee my little sister just got into puberty and is starting to explore I Want to help her as much as I can so I want to give her some good advice about sex. What would be the best sex advice you have.

45:53.97
Naseem
Oh man, that's tough because there's a lot of a lot of advice I could give a young person but the most important or the best piece of advice isn't really about sex at all.

46:12.94
danmetiv
Well, what are we doing on this podcast come on to seem.

46:18.16
Naseem
I would say to know yourself a little bit. My best piece of advice is to masturbate.

46:32.25
danmetiv
That's pretty good advice.

46:33.94
Naseem
Um, because no one is going to know your body better than you and anybody who thinks or is going to try to convince you that they know your body better than you is not someone you should be having sex with um. And it's important to have agency over your body especially at a young age especially when everyone's like a horny teenager and just wants to get it done. Ah that can come with some consequence so it's important to. Be knowledgeable and have agency over yourself before you get involved with anybody else who's going to try to convince you or make you think things that aren't necessarily true.

47:21.90
danmetiv
I like that I like that now I've got a young daughter so this is actually a question I've thought a lot about ah I got a few years before she gets into exploring territory. But Um. So I got some time to smooth out my thoughts but I'll start sharing them here.

47:43.42
Naseem
And you can you can bounce them off of me and I can tell you if it's garbage or not. But.

47:46.40
danmetiv
Yeah, so my advice is stay in your room. Don't have sex.

47:52.76
Naseem
Okay, dad. Ah.

47:55.44
danmetiv
Ah, no I think I think I hope that as a big sister you provide her a good person to come to and answer her questions if she has questions in ah, a non-judgmental way and I hope that you can provide her. With a person to call if she needs help or gets in deeper than she wants to be in at the time. Um, so.

48:20.60
Naseem
Absolutely absolutely.. It's really important to have a trusted person to talk to especially within a family like I didn't have the sex talk I had no one I could go to in my family if something happened and. That can be a really scary feeling for someone and so it's it's great that you are willing and able to guide her through this part of her life because it will be a big part of her life. Um relationship Sex. It's all.

48:41.46
danmetiv
Totally.

48:59.87
Naseem
It's all there. Um, and it's good to have and a person that she can trust to bounce her head off or bouncer. Ah her ideas and situation off of so kudos to you big sister. Ah.

49:12.35
danmetiv
Yeah, you're a great big sister and if she's starting to explore talk to her about birth control take her to plan parenthood if there's one still there's one everywhere still take her to planned parenthood or. Your regular doctor if that's more appropriate at the time and if she wants birth control get her to a place where she can learn about her options and get around birth control not because she wants to have sex today but because she's starting to explore and.

49:45.75
Naseem
Then you just never know.

49:48.51
danmetiv
Make sure that she doesn't have to make sure that she's in a good spot to say yes to sex whenever she's ready and she doesn't have to worry about contraceptive in the heat of the moment too because I think that's where a lot of heat. Young folks having their first sexes end up blowing it? Yup. Yeah, so you're a good big sister. Keep it up.

50:13.31
Naseem
Yup, very excellent point.

50:19.41
Naseem
Or brother I don't know if this was a coming from a guy or a guy.

50:23.23
danmetiv
Ah, you know what? or anywhere in between it's a wide spectrum sex is just a construct.

50:27.14
Naseem
Very true. Also true.

50:34.56
danmetiv
Ha to seem do sex dreams mean anything I have some weird sex dreams with people I would never fuck in real life. Also in weird places and it's also no fantasy of me doing those things I still get them I also had a dream where I got raped from a complete stranger I didn't like that. And it was kind of a nightmare but did that mean anything.

50:56.96
Naseem
God I Hope not because I have had some very fucked up sex dreams ah like with people that only would I never want to have sex with.

51:05.47
danmetiv
Um.

51:16.71
Naseem
But people I should never want to have sex with so ah, definitely I don't buy anything when it comes to sex dreams I think it's just our body's way of releasing ah stress. And processing hormones and synapses are just firing. Um, some people really buy buy into dream work and dream interpretation. My mother is one of those people. Um I have friends who are very invested in Dream interpretation.

51:54.37
danmetiv
Let's get your mom on I would love to talk to her about some real fucked up dreams I've had.

51:57.55
Naseem
Oh god no ah yeah, I'll give you her number you can talk about things later but not oh Christ. Um, but ah dreams I don't necessarily think they mean much.

52:03.83
danmetiv
No, no, we're getting around the show.

52:16.98
Naseem
Ah I I think that would disappoint A lot of my friends by saying that. But um because I think that you they're just a representation of just like your brain processing stuff. But I don't think it means anything specifically. Some people will say Oh if you have dreams about your teeth falling out it means that you have ah you have a lot of anxiety and loss of control in your life. Do I believe that not really because I have dreams of my teeth falling out under any kinds of feelings.

52:52.74
danmetiv
Yeah, what if I'm feeling lots of anxiety and like I'm losing control of my life. But I don't have a dream about my teeth falling out does that mean I'm really not anxious.

52:53.73
Naseem
In my day-to-day life. So.

52:59.72
Naseem
It exactly exactly I don't I don't think they mean anything so or at least they don't mean much other sure here's an example this is just a this is a.

53:06.85
danmetiv
I Mean they mean whatever you want them to mean like if you want to get something out of it. Go ahead, get something out of it.

53:19.16
Naseem
G- rated dream. Okay, so when my dad ah so when my you know my dad passed away. Um and my mom was in mourning for you know she still is but when I say she was more in mourning I mean mourning with a capital M like she wore black every day.

53:20.80
danmetiv
That That's not why I listen to this show but go ahead. Ah.

53:38.82
danmetiv
Nep that.

53:38.84
Naseem
She didn't do anything fun. She really held on to some old fashioned ideas of like what a good widow does after her husband dies and then one day she had a dream about my dad that he gave her a pink polka dotted.

53:46.70
danmetiv
E.

53:58.73
Naseem
Dress and my mom interpreted that to mean it was time to move on and that she could start wearing colors again and I think that's very Sweet. Do I Think my dad was really visiting her in her dream and telling her. It's okay to stop Mourning. No. But if that's what she needed good good Honor. It's fine.

54:22.35
danmetiv
Yeah, and if it was your dad visiting her in her dreams and bringing her a super hot pink dress with Polconuts I Think that's pretty cool.

54:38.19
Naseem
Ah, my mother has never wore pink Bo dots in her life. So I don't think so.

54:41.99
danmetiv
Did she after that. Well then I don't think she got the point of the dream.

54:53.51
danmetiv
But you're certainly not the sum of your thoughts. You're the sum of your actions and I think that dreams fall into that same thing we all think weird thoughts just do the things that you want to do.

55:02.39
Naseem
Exactly.

55:12.85
danmetiv
That fit the values of your life.

55:34.65
danmetiv
That's some dumb shit that one we can't do.

55:36.00
Naseem
I mean I think that's a pretty good place to end it or you got 1 more for me.

55:40.86
danmetiv
I got one more I got one more for you Actually that was pretty good. That's a pretty good place to end it. Let's end it there that is it that I don't know that we can end it any better than talking about your mom's beautiful Pink Poka dot dress.

55:54.44
Naseem
Okay, at the end of my sex podcast.

55:59.36
danmetiv
Well, you know your mom never listens all the way to the end. Anyway.

56:06.12
Naseem
God All right Thanks for joining me today.

56:11.45
danmetiv
You got it I'm happy to be here as always I've certainly enjoyed myself Naseem.

56:19.75
Naseem
Um, me as well. Dan ah I don't know how to end this fuck. Ah I guess I'll so I'll talk to you later. But.