Terrible Sex with Naseem

00:15.17
danmetiv
Good morning, good evening, and good night. My terrible listeners. You're tuned in to terrible sex with Naseem I'm producer Dan, and each week I have the honor of bringing you registered nurse aspiring sex educator polyamory enthusiast and true. Woman of the people Naseemshe tells us stories answers our questions and helps us feel more comfortable around the world's infinite variety of sexuality send questions comments and especially your voice Memos Tennessee this shows best when you get involved. Contact info is on her website at www.terriblesexwithNaseem.com hey Naseem how are you?

00:55.77
Naseem
Hello Dan I'm good. It's been a whirlwind the last couple days. Um I am sad to report that. I will be leaving Chicago in two weeks time yeah maybe three weeks it's coming up ah by the end of the month I'll be I'll be gone. Um I can't yeah my contract.

01:16.20
danmetiv
O my goodness.

01:26.15
danmetiv
Well man.

01:31.26
Naseem
Here has ended and it's on to the next? Um, and I thought I was going None place I signed the contract and everything and then my recruiter called me this morning and said sorry nope they gave your job away even after you signed your contract and I was like. Cool, cool cool, cool, cool. Um, but I have another one lined up and now it's just a matter of getting my ducks in a row and getting housing and all of that stuff. Oh the life of a transient travel nurse.

02:04.99
danmetiv
Man So this city is going to get a lot smaller without you to seem so where are you headed next.

02:09.49
Naseem
God damn right? It is um I'm headed to a little town called st joseph michigan um I'm going back to Pure Michigan at least for this next contract.

02:19.97
danmetiv
Back to pure Michigan all right.

02:27.43
Naseem
Um, I wanted to get closer to home make it easier to see my husband like I've really only seen jar like so 5 or 6 times in the last ten months yeah you know i.

02:38.51
danmetiv
Yeah, from what I understand you like that guy.

02:45.54
Naseem
Kind of do and I want to make sure I still like him after all of this so being closer would definitely be beneficial for both of us I think um and so that's really exciting and good news but it is bittersweet I have developed. A bit of a routine and a bit of a life here in good ol' Chicago land. Um, as you and our listeners probably know I have a partner here that I have been begrudgingly.

03:13.62
danmetiv
Right.

03:20.40
Naseem
Trying to de-escalate our relationship and it's not going real well here I am still like stupid still escalated and stupid in love with the guy. So what am I supposed to do um.

03:23.60
danmetiv
Um, I've heard that over and over and yet here you are.

03:33.30
danmetiv
Escalated. Ah.

03:39.92
Naseem
So but that's polyamory for you. Folks? Ah I mean not always something people make it work over distance and time and things. But I don't think that that's in our future. We'll find out. We'll see I just know I'm going to be crying a lot at the end of August so. Um, but it's like I said it's it's mixed because I'm really excited to go back home or at least closer to home and see my lovely husband who I love in a door but I'm also really sad to be missing to be leaving my guy here and. Kind of what we've sort of built over the last ten months so it's it's tough. It's good, but it's tough.

04:24.61
danmetiv
Yeah, well I can certainly empathize that sounds ah like a situation that might not be easy.

04:36.67
Naseem
It's not easy. It's not for everyone but God damn it. It's a life I've chosen. So um, but you know it's not the end of a relationship that's the thing to I have to keep in mind like.

04:39.79
danmetiv
Ah.

04:51.20
Naseem
And my husband keeps telling me this too. Jar is always like it's not like you're never going to see him again I mean I'm coming back to Chicago for a couple concerts in the fall and we're going to maintain a really strong friendship. He's one of he's turned into one of my closest friends like.

04:54.15
danmetiv
Right.

05:07.50
Naseem
It's not the end of anything. It's just a change and sometimes change can be hard but change can also be good so we'll see what happens things will unfold. We'll see we'll see oh you know you? you know you'll get them Dan ah.

05:08.13
danmetiv
Ah, yeah.

05:15.66
danmetiv
Right? Well I look forward to all the updates right here every week I know it now to doubt in my mind man I'm pretty good. Ah, we've had a yeah, we've had a busy week around my house and now.

05:25.99
Naseem
And how are you doing.

05:35.41
danmetiv
Listen, let me tell you about the cutest damn thing I went to ah a company party yesterday for the None time in a long time I was around a bunch of people and yeah, there was some some swag at this company party and 1 of the many swag pieces that I picked up was just a coozy. They had a.

05:40.78
Naseem
Oh yeah I heard about this company party.

05:55.40
danmetiv
Bunch of foam cuzies of different colors and I grabbed a yellow one because my kid loves yellow and I said I'm bringing this home to my kid and it's yellow. She'll think it's great and she'll love it and I gave it to her. She.

05:59.60
Naseem
M.

06:11.93
danmetiv
She will not go anywhere without a water bottle with her yellow Coozy on it. It is a real big deal. She would not go to sleep tonight without her Yellow Coozy I had to go out to the living room to get the yellow coozy for it's really, really cute.

06:14.39
Naseem
Oh.

06:25.30
Naseem
So that's very cute so you've created a monster. What started off as a sweet thing to do for your kid is now your torture.

06:28.98
danmetiv
Yes.

06:34.78
danmetiv
Right now. Just another pain in the ass that I have to go find under the couch somewhere.

06:39.31
Naseem
Ah, kids man good for you. Dan.

06:43.50
danmetiv
Yeah, so ah, it's always real cute when she gets the thing and she you know it clearly means a lot to her for a very short period of time before it gets lost under the couch.

06:54.53
Naseem
Well I mean she's kind of like a puppy in that way. Ah major puppy energy. She's a cute kid. Um I haven't met her in person but I have not I've only seen her.

06:59.59
danmetiv
Oh yeah, ah very much. So.

07:07.83
danmetiv
Have you not.

07:13.78
Naseem
Over the interwebs and I think on the phone once. So.

07:15.64
danmetiv
Fair enough. Well maybe before August ends we can get you 2 together and you could answer all her questions she has about polyamory. Ah.

07:20.48
Naseem
Oh good. That'd be fun. She's I'm sure she has many ah okay, well. Now that the Intros and the housekeeping and the how you-doins are out of the way I know who wants to hear that um I am going to talk just a little bit today. Ah about something that you know.

07:40.10
danmetiv
Yeah, those are done. Thank God Ah, all the boring shit.

07:56.83
Naseem
A podcast about sex should probably have mentioned pretty early on but we're only like 19 episodes then it's still fairly early. It's a terrible podcast. Everyone should listen to it. We're going to talk about consent.

08:03.29
danmetiv
Yes, Podcast is terrible Anyway, Ah, ah we talk about consent all the time. Ah well.

08:16.10
Naseem
Oh but do we though. Ah, because there's different types of consent particularly in the kink and bdsm community and I know I talk about bdsm and kink a lot. But um I think it's definitely worth.

08:21.49
danmetiv
Apparently not let's go.

08:38.63
Naseem
Noting and I think there's a lot of carryover in more vanilla or more mainstream sexual practices and just relationship practices in general. Um, so I I kind of just want to touch very briefly. This isn't going to be like some sort of ah dissertation by any means. Um, but just a quick little chat about consent and the different types of consent um particularly in this fucked up community that I engage in. So So enthusiastically. Okay, so.

09:11.35
danmetiv
All right.

09:17.19
Naseem
Ah, right? so back in the 80 s when bdsm and kink were like kind of ah, having more of a resurgence particularly in like the gay and like leather daddy and um. More mask ah communities. There is this idea of um, really wanting to really wanting to ah establish.

09:38.87
danmetiv
Short.

09:54.93
Naseem
Consent and bdsm and these particular practices in a way that would not be misconstrued as abuse so it was this idea of and it was Called. It's it's still called Ssc which is. Means safe sane and consensual. Yeah, So it's this idea that the actions and the behaviors that we engage in are safe for all parties.

10:15.32
danmetiv
Ooh I like that.

10:29.33
Naseem
And that it's among sane individuals and that we as parties engage consensually sounds like a great idea right? Sure well.

10:36.66
danmetiv
Sure I hear a butt coming on.

10:43.58
Naseem
So it. It is a great idea because it was attempting to differentiate bdsm from abuse but it was also like this minimum standard of ethical play and a lot of people felt like None this wasn't good enough. And None there was this danger that started to unfold with the idea of safe sane and consensual because one yeah because who is determining what is safe.

11:11.80
danmetiv
So really.

11:20.98
Naseem
And how are we determining? What is safe. How are we determining? What is sane behavior or who is sane and what does that mean and is that an ableist terminology like there's all these reasons for why safe sane consensual. Is not ideal especially because people were starting to misconstrue safe with being risk-free and as we know there's always some level of risk when we engage in certain practices and so if we're not. Clear on what is safe and what some because what you might consider safe I may not consider safe right? So So then there's a breakdown there. Um, so.

12:09.00
danmetiv
That meant? yes.

12:18.14
Naseem
How do we determine safety. How do we determine? Ah what is risk versus risk-free and people started to ah, kind of get confused or not confused but kind of abuse this idea of safe. Being the same thing as risk- free and so the idea of consent became diluted and it actually promoted more possibility for abusive practices and abusive behaviors which I know seems like a stretch but it was becoming kind of. Thought and people who were Miss. It was getting in the wrong hands and people were using it in the way that it was not intended to be used like oh yeah, this is safe state and consensual. You can totally come to my dungeon and I'll do all these things to you and it's fine because it's safe.

13:11.80
danmetiv
Total Totally safe. Trust me totally safe.

13:15.56
Naseem
Totally safe. But yeah, just totally safe. So then ah there was some changes in bdsm world where people started adopting this idea called Rack which is. Far more and widely accepted now in the bdsm community and rack stands for riskware consensual kink and yeah and it was.

13:43.23
danmetiv
Risk aware consensual kink RAC k

13:50.11
Naseem
RACK and it's sort of a contrast to ssc because it's not just about safety. It's also about information you cannot truly make a decision unless you are informed so with risk aware consensual Kink All parties are. Well-informed and understand the risks and consequences of what they are going to engage in whether it's sexual practice whether it's impact play whether it's bondage any of those things because anything you know people think of rope play as being particularly safe rope play.

14:15.15
danmetiv
Who.

14:29.25
Naseem
Can in fact, be very dangerous. You can have nerve damage. You can have rope burns. There's all sorts of things that can go wrong in something as simple as being tied up, you know if you don't know the risks right? and you don't and you don't know how to do it because there is a correct way and an incorrect way of of doing any.

14:40.64
danmetiv
Sure.

14:48.58
Naseem
Anything so rack is probably the most commonly accepted form of consent within the bdsm and the kink community because it's all about informed consent and.

14:58.69
danmetiv
Who.

15:04.49
Naseem
Making your decisions based off of your understanding of the risks involved in whatever you're about to do um and then in terms of the idea of being sane it kind of shifted from that terminology of sane. To being of sound mind so being able to advocate for oneself right? Yeah, um, now there's an offshoot of rack which is called Prick. Ah, this is.

15:28.87
danmetiv
That makes sense.

15:39.38
danmetiv
Ooh Now we're talking.

15:42.67
Naseem
This is personal responsibility informed consensual kink very similar to rack. The key difference is that personal responsibility because now you as a player or as a scene participant. Are responsible for your own actions and your own consent of a of a given situation or scene. So at any time you have the ability to basically pull out. Whatever is happening like you have to know yourself well enough to participate in an activity and to know what your limits are what you are willing to engage in what you're not willing to engage in um and being able to speak up about. Whatever is happening in the moment. Um, so yeah, so it's a personal understanding of your own actions and your own and responsibility of your own consent because you know we talk a lot about.

16:42.16
danmetiv
Yeah I like that.

16:56.41
danmetiv
Who.

16:56.42
Naseem
You know giving consent but you're not just giving consent to somebody else like I believe that it's not just about giving consent to another person to to allow them to do something.. It's also giving consent to consent to yourself allowing yourself to. Go through an experience and I think that's where prick kind of differentiates itself from rack a little bit because it's about that personal responsibility. Do you have any? do you have any questions about any of this so far dan.

17:27.10
danmetiv
Yeah, no I think I follow and I um I appreciate it I like the prick I like the prick. Yeah no I like I like giving yourself permission to take agency in that situation and.

17:35.56
Naseem
You like the you like the prick. Um.

17:46.22
danmetiv
Not only permission but calling it responsibility because it is your responsibility to take care of yourself and if you find yourself with a partner in a situation. That's not that you don't feel is achieving that.

17:49.70
Naseem
Um, because exactly um.

18:03.50
danmetiv
Then it's your responsibility to get out and you're empowered to get out.

18:04.59
Naseem
Exactly It's a very and that's why I do like prick because it is an empowering um form of Consent. It doesn't you know it's one I think. A lot of times when I think about consent like I was saying before it's about giving something up, but for me, prick feels like it's something that I take on my own. It's It's my own self agency and I think that's really important and I think that's really Cool. Um.

18:31.44
danmetiv
Right.

18:38.13
Naseem
Conversely Now we're going in the completely opposite direction Cnc Consensual non-consent This one's a doozy and this one's a.

18:42.38
danmetiv
Opposite direction back it up.

18:53.77
danmetiv
Yeah I've heard of this one. They had a music factory.

18:56.49
Naseem
This one's a doozy for a lot of people so you have heard of this one. What do you know.

19:06.26
Naseem
A sigh god damn it Dan ah, aside from the music factory what do you know about Cnc or consensual, not consent anything.

19:07.80
danmetiv
Ah.

19:18.78
danmetiv
It's consensual None consent. It's the um, the framework and the boundaries in which you set up scenarios where you ah consent to. Being in a situation with a partner. Ah where they're pretending to not have consent Basically it's how None adults can play out things like rape fantasies and things like that if I understand that correctly basic is how I understand most things.

19:45.88
Naseem
I mean that's a pretty basic understanding of ah ah, that's a pretty that's a pretty basic understanding of Cnc I think that's like what most people think of with Cnc.

19:53.89
danmetiv
Pretty basic.

20:02.60
Naseem
Um, but it doesn't necessarily have to go as far as like a rapes fantasy um, it's I mean other people there's other terms for Cnc people call it um meta consent or blanket consent like um.

20:05.61
danmetiv
Sure.

20:19.78
Naseem
You could be in a situation with someone and say like okay while I'm here tonight you can do whatever you want to me? um, or and and so that's like a blanket consent sometimes I have blanket consent with Partners. Um. For a particular night and I say okay, you can do whatever you want up until I say like no, that's a form of blanket that's like a form of blanket consent. Some people would argue that because I have the option of saying no it doesn't like really count as blanket consent I argue that it. Does because where there's no negotiation prior to the activity. Um, because again that goes back to the idea of informed consent if I'm not informed about what's going to happen. How can I truly consent to it unless it's a blanket consent.

20:59.89
danmetiv
Right.

21:16.10
danmetiv
Right? And just like you did with your partner anytime that you're getting into a Cnc type situation. Make sure you've got some kind of safe word some kind of out.

21:16.23
Naseem
That's how I think about it in my head I don't know if that makes.

21:27.42
Naseem
Well sure. Um, because I mean that's where Cnc can border on the lines of dangerous right? If you're doing like there's because there are rapes fantasies. There's kidnapping fantasies. There's um.

21:35.79
danmetiv
For sure.

21:44.38
Naseem
All sorts of things that can happen. Um, but so that's why there's like so much trust that has to be within these parties. These are like this is like an extreme level of play right? Absolutely not I mean this isn't I mean it takes these people years.

21:54.48
danmetiv
Right? This isn't this isn't None date material.

22:03.87
Naseem
Sometimes to get to this level of play. Um, it takes a lot of trust and like I certainly I mean I'm sure people do but best practice this is not something that like you go to a munch and be like hey I want to practice Cnc and meet somebody. Who you know you just do it with who you just meet at like on fet life or something I wouldn't do that I'm sure there are people who do when they have a fine time but that just seems like too risky of a behavior for me personally do what you want just be smart about it. Um. I I think that it can be a very like freeing thing for people to not have to like make decisions but also it does take a lot of trust it does take a lot of negotiation. One of the things about consent in general. Especially in the bdsm in the kink world is having information and having a lot of times people will have contracts so there can be like short term contracts or a temporary contract that could last maybe it's just an hour or an evening. Maybe it lasts like a whole weekend of okay these are the things that we are going to do these are the behaviors that we're going to have yes you can spank me. Yes, you can tie me up but no choking ah things like that you can you can use um a leather. You can use like a wooden paddle but don't use a whip like things like that you have everything written out. There's an understanding of everybody knows their responsibilities and everybody knows their expectations and if you choose to use a safe word. Not everybody does if you choose to use a safe word. You understand that that is all outlined. What those safe words mean if you're going to use this a stoplight system. Um. Are you familiar with the stop light system.

24:01.36
danmetiv
Ah, tell tell me maybe maybe not.

24:05.33
Naseem
I Mean it's pretty straightforward the idea instead of having like an actual like safe word like banana or whatever um to stop. It's I don't know um and even if it was I wouldn't tell you? um.

24:14.56
danmetiv
Is that your safe word. Ah.

24:24.60
danmetiv
Um, it's banana isn't it. Okay, okay.

24:25.17
Naseem
So a stop actually I prefer the stoplight system I don't have a stay for it. Um, the stoplight system is it's like a constant check-in between partners. So if something is happening and.

24:35.34
danmetiv
Who.

24:43.30
Naseem
1 partner says to the other hey green light. The other partner can say yes green that means go keep going a yellow light means. Yeah, this is good but like maybe it won't be like keep your eye out pay attention sort of a thing and then.

24:58.26
danmetiv
Who.

25:01.79
Naseem
Red Light is no stop. This is no longer fun and it's a way for people to continually check in with each other um without thinking too hard about it or if let's say I'm in the middle of something and what was a green light for me.

25:08.19
danmetiv
Yeah, without thinking too hard. Yep.

25:20.47
Naseem
Is suddenly not so fun I can be like red light red light red light you know and I think that's a much in some ways a much more um, nuanced and clearer form of communication. Um, versus just ah, a straight up safe word.

25:24.95
danmetiv
Oo.

25:39.68
Naseem
Um, but again that depends on ever. It depends on the coupling or the the participants in the scene right for what they want to do I can't dictate how people do their do their consent. This is just an option. Um. But is interesting though particularly about Cnc is that even though if you have like a signed contract between parties. It is not legally binding in many places most places and yeah, there have actually been court cases. Um both in the us and the Uk. Um.

26:09.20
danmetiv
Interesting.

26:18.68
Naseem
About participants who ah were arrested because even though there was a contract for engagement like in the u k there is this? Um, it's called the spanner case that happened in England and there was a bdsm party and. Everybody at the party got arrested because there were quote unquote injuries amongst the participants at this party and at the time it was unlawful to consent to something that caused.

26:48.93
danmetiv
Who.

26:57.99
Naseem
Anything above a minor injury. So everybody at this party got arrested. There was a case in the Us where ah, there was a trial because some men I don't remember the case exactly but there was some participants where um. Were parties that were being treated like dogs like that was part of their like they were doing puppy play or dog play and ah the the owners the dog owners in this case were arrested for abuse of their they're submissive.

27:22.21
danmetiv
Oh.

27:36.70
Naseem
Very interesting. Even if there's contracts involved even if it is consensual depending on where you are The law may not be on your side. So It's one of the reasons why people in the Kink Community can feel very ah, alienated from Mainstream society. Also one of the reasons why I think it's so important to talk about it um to sort of get rid of that stigma. Um, so I thought I think consent is super interesting because it's not just yes or no, there's so many different tiers to it and.

28:07.17
danmetiv
Right.

28:12.22
Naseem
I was talking to I'm on a discord with a few other kinksters and kink educators and we had a conversation a few months ago about enthusiastic versus informed consent and. It's interesting because up until that time I used to think oh well, you have to enthusiastically consent to something you have to really want to do something in order to consent to something and after this conversation I don't necessarily believe that anymore I think. As long as you are well informed. Even if you're not None jazzed to try something or do something I still think you can consent to it even if you're not 100% enthusiastic because sometimes being enthusiastic. Is not safe. You can be really into I don't know breathplay. Okay, where someone's constricting your airflow. You can like be oh yes, I really want to do breathplay I really want to be choked and you can be really excited enthusiastic about it. But that's going to block your ability to be informed. It's going to give you a bias and not allow you to make a rational ah risk aware judgment on that on that choice on that consent. So I believe that information and being informed is. Far more important than being enthusiastic especially if it's something that like I haven't experienced before I don't know what I'm going to like necessarily until I learn about it and I try it. You know I didn't know I was into what. Like not water sports with like urine but like essentially essentially waterboarding. Um I didn't know that was something I was going to be kind of into it's like a type of breath play. Um, until I knew enough. And I trusted my partner enough to do it and then I I loved it was I nervous about it 100% was I a little hesitant 100% but because I trusted my partner and because I had the information I was able to make an informed decision on it and had a great time.

30:43.20
danmetiv
I Think that makes a lot of sense Now. So I want I Want to make sure that the things that we're saying right now don't confuse people especially people that. Ah. You know are getting close to their None relationship. We are talking about informed consent. Um in very specific situations with partners that are trusted. That's what we are talking about at this moment and.

31:02.75
Naseem
Oh honored percent. Absolutely.

31:17.60
Naseem
Yes, and this is not something for like we're not talking about basic consent within like your None like sexual experience. This is something within a very specific niche.

31:34.75
danmetiv
Right? and takes a lot of practice to get to this level.

31:35.47
Naseem
Audience amongst absolutely and it takes like consent. You know, consenting adults. This is not something that I'm not typically one to like say that minors should not be engaging in sexual practices with themselves. But. In this regard I think you have to have a certain level of maturity and life experience to practice kink and some people are going to disagree with me and that's okay, write in tell me your thoughts and we can have a discourse about it. But I I do think that you make a very excellent point Dan that this is like next level kind of sexual practice. Yeah, absolutely.

32:23.63
danmetiv
Is like several several next level. Let next levels this takes practice this takes time this takes a lot of experience to be able to do right.

32:32.60
Naseem
Especially if we're talk. Absolutely especially if we're talking about non-consent if you're if you're talking about like your basic hate to say basic but like intro to kink stuff like rack I think is a great place to start.

32:40.85
danmetiv
Right.

32:46.66
danmetiv
E.

32:49.40
Naseem
Ssc you could argue is a great place to start because it is safe Sin Consensual is like the most basic form of ethical practice and I think that's a great place for anybody when they're starting their sexual journey. But as you get into more. Intense engagement in kink when things get to become a little bit more physical when you start using implements and like you're tying people up or any of these things. That's when risk becomes real.

33:20.64
danmetiv
Yeah, and when you are 141516 and you're just starting to but make out and have your your your None sexual experiences you really need to be looking for an enthusiastic partner at that time.

33:36.42
Naseem
Enthusiasm At that time I think is super important I think enthusiasm and being informed. Go hand in hand. Ah yes, absolutely um because I.

33:43.25
danmetiv
Um, yes I couldn't agree more cool.

33:52.11
Naseem
I don't want to be misconstrued here. Dan I don't want to be taken the wrong way I'm not saying coercion is okay in no way am I trying to imply that people should allow themselves to be coerced into anything. They truly do not want to do.

33:56.85
danmetiv
Right.

34:06.40
danmetiv
Yeah I'm trying to put myself in the head of a None ear old male more more than more often. Um, who when he's trying to decide if it's time to try to kiss a girl more or to you know. Take the next step with this girl. He's looking for enthusiastic consent from his partner like that's what you need to see when you're 14 and 15 and 16 and that's that's that's the only point that I'm really trying to to hit home is that we're talking about None different levels of experience and.

34:29.16
Naseem
Sure.

34:44.50
danmetiv
I Want to make sure that people understand that.

34:45.72
Naseem
And that's an excellent point and one that should be pointed out. Absolutely but good job dan good job producer Dan everybody give him a round of applause. Um, but that's that's basically my.

34:52.81
danmetiv
Well I'm glad I pointed it out. Ah.

35:05.47
Naseem
Ah, intro to consent lesson. Yeah yeah, um I thought it was really important to talk about. We haven't really gone into the weeds with it before no and I think you know and you'll hear if you become more involved in the kink.

35:06.15
danmetiv
I liked it I thought it was a good one.

35:15.57
danmetiv
No, we haven't hashed it out like that. That's for sure.

35:25.13
Naseem
Community You will hear these terms rack prick and it's important to know what they mean and where they come from and which one you identify with more so go on and play safe.

35:43.67
danmetiv
I Think it's great. Lovely Well should we take it to the to the mail bag.

35:44.19
Naseem
That's all I got.

35:52.16
Naseem
Yeah, let's shift gears and go to the mail.

35:57.48
danmetiv
Actually we pull this up.

36:15.12
Naseem
You still there. Daniel.

36:16.44
danmetiv
I Am Yep can you hear me? hello. No I'm right here I'm here I promise.

36:22.94
Naseem
Dan you disappeared.

36:32.46
danmetiv
What happened was.

36:33.17
Naseem
Oh God Sorry dog.

36:40.99
danmetiv
I'm here I'm here.

36:53.41
danmetiv
I'm here I see it all happening.

37:03.46
danmetiv
Charge it up.

37:11.15
Naseem
Dan where'd you go.

37:12.67
danmetiv
This right here I'm right here.

37:21.81
danmetiv
Hello Hello hello.

37:36.73
danmetiv
So I'm here I see everything that's happening.

37:53.42
Naseem
I Can't hear or see you and I can't even type in the chat I don't know what happened like suddenly everything just stopped.

37:57.44
danmetiv
It's That's so weird. Man it all.

38:06.44
Naseem
Should I log out and back in like will that ruin the recording.

38:15.31
Naseem
All right? Well okay I'm logging out.

38:20.30
danmetiv
Cool.

38:45.96
danmetiv
Ah, excuse me.

38:57.92
danmetiv
How about it. Hey no, we definitely didn't lose it all. You had healthy audio and ah your Cloud backup was in place your Cloud backup is still in place and still the same size. So.

39:03.00
Naseem
Hi I Hope we I Hope we didn't lose all that audio. Okay.

39:17.48
danmetiv
I Say that's probably all fine.

39:21.96
Naseem
Okay, good I Just I don't I Literally don't know what happened it just suddenly you froze and then everything just stopped. But at least we got through the bulk of it right? I.

39:27.76
danmetiv
Yeah, we did cool. So sure hit the mail bag all right I Love this one. Are you ready? This is from.

39:37.32
Naseem
Yeah,, let's hit the mailbag. Born.

39:46.90
danmetiv
This one's from Jail Gilbert to oh we're saying this name hey I listened to some of the podcast I thought it was actually terrible thought you should know. Thanks.

39:51.85
Naseem
Are we saying names. Okay.

40:03.67
danmetiv
I really appreciate the feedback and I think it's quite clear that there's no false advertising happening here I'm glad we're in total agreement with just jiggly Gilbert too or whatever the fuck his name was.

40:07.80
Naseem
Cool.

40:22.29
danmetiv
Their name was that some dude that still lives in his mom's basement and it's got nothing better to do.

40:30.79
Naseem
Here's the thing here's the thing I don't think calling out a hater is necessarily going to is it means anything but clearly it wasn't that terrible because they listened to multiple episodes.

40:37.73
danmetiv
Nope.

40:43.15
danmetiv
Ah, well I appreciate some good hate mail. Um, all right here we are here we are so thanks for listening appreciate the downloads.

40:51.47
Naseem
You know, no such thing as bad press. Thanks thanks for the engagement friend.

41:00.33
danmetiv
Yeah, we like that ah hate to seem What do you find? Sexy I'm a 23 year old guy and I have typical guy brain and I don't know how to be sexy for my wife. I Want to surprise her and change and learn to be sexy. What should I do.

41:26.69
Naseem
Sorry I'm stuck on the fact that you're 23 and married. um ah no um I'm just old. Um, here's the thing.

41:27.66
danmetiv
Ah, that's not fucking sexy. The.

41:41.16
Naseem
I Can't tell you how to be sexy for your wife right? because I don't know what your wife finds sexy but generally speaking generally speaking and this isn't going to be true for everybody. But I think by and large women. Like a man who's generally clean, um, women love a man in a suit for whatever reason a guy in like a well fit suit is just like so Good. Um. And like doing something for her right? if she can be made to feel special that you're paying attention to her needs. Not necessarily in the bedroom but needs around the house or like little things that she's said in the past that you've paid attention to maybe one day she said something about like really loving a particular piece of art or ah, a musician or something you. Can maybe play that music around the house while you're making her dinner or something like something that shows that you are paying attention to her whether or not it's in the bedroom and that will definitely get her in a particular mood. That you will benefit from So um, that's my piece of advice is pay attention to her her needs ah things that she says things that she wants. Ah. Listen for things that she doesn't say if that makes any sense Um, read between the lines because the last thing a woman the least sexy thing that you can do is have her have to tell you everything she wants right. She wants you to pay attention.

43:51.27
danmetiv
That's true now listen as a fellow who's been married more than 15 years less than twenty still married. Um.

44:08.37
danmetiv
I've blown it lots of times and and and so if you want to be sexy for your wife None The best thing you can do is pay attention to the things that she does for you to tell you that she loves you right? If she's the kind of lady that like. Puts the house together. So that when you come home from work and your house looks pretty nice because she did a bunch of work at it like she's doing that for you? Um, So once in a while empty the dishwasher so she doesn't have to once in a while you know. Vacuum Vacuum a rug I know I'm so good at not seeing those things So It's really hard to pay attention and see those things. Um, but man if I want to turn on my wife like and make the bed and. Put the kid's clothes away and take some of the stuff off of her plate that she's so good at doing that I usually don't see that's the shit that she likes.

45:14.84
Naseem
And it sounds very superficial right? You're like how could that possibly translate into sexiness I can't because I was going to say that I can't explain it but I can explain it. It's because she. If she doesn't have to take care of you. She's not going to look at you as a caregiver right? like she's that you're like a child or something she has to maintain and look after if she can look at you as an equal partner. Because you're taking care of stuff around the house or taking care of business. You know she no longer sees you as an object she has to take care of but as a sexual being which is where your relationship probably started before you were married before she was taken care of you. Not to say that like she. Is None doing those things but like there's a good chance. She is so um, that's how it translate I know it doesn't seem like it on the surface that oh how does me emptying the dishwasher equate to sexy time it does it. It does try it.

46:22.12
danmetiv
Try it. You'll see and you know it's kind of hot when somebody's looking out for you and taking care you a little bit. So.

46:29.10
Naseem
Yeah.

46:32.72
Naseem
Hundred percent that's why there's so many like caregiver relationships out there like ah you know, ah Daddy Dom little girl ddlg relationships because girls want to be taken care of right? so.

46:48.59
danmetiv
There you go start with that hain a scene. Why does my penis hurt when I masturbate more than 3 times.

46:52.44
Naseem
There you go.

47:01.24
Naseem
Like in a row or in a day. Ah, you're probably like rubbing it Raw Bud It's a friction thing and like are you talking if it's an internal issue like if it's hurting from like inside.

47:04.10
danmetiv
Yeah, dude, we're talking about friction.

47:20.57
Naseem
I I mean see a urologist but I think you just might be jerking off too much too quickly use some lube bro and take a break.

47:30.90
danmetiv
They go for a walk.

47:58.90
danmetiv
Hain a seem I have a female friend who has shown a new interest in adult toys. She's given me the okay to shop for her because she's inexperienced at it. My question is are there any upstanding my question is. Are there any upstanding places online to shop besides the Adam and eve site I have some reviews I have read some reviews and find their toys can be like a lottery when it comes to getting one that stays working I need some help.

48:27.28
Naseem
Yeah Adam and eve is kind of ah it's kind of a catchall just like a distributor. Um, Doc Johnson is a good one. Love honey is a good one lilo that's Lel O Excellent brand um there's also ah eden fantasies. Um, which is kind of like Adam and eve. But I think it's got like they have like a review system and everything so they're they're maybe a little bit better. Um, but you can also find junk on their website too? Um, but I would recommend love Honey Lelo Doc Johnson um especially because those are brands not just not just a vendor website or a distributor website. Um I would avoid Amazon.

49:13.29
danmetiv
Who.

49:26.19
Naseem
I bought a sex toy off of Amazon like a year ago and it was garbage and I don't recommend it I kind of don't recommend buying anything off of Amazon anymore I know sorry Jeff Bezos but like it's poor old Jeff um, ah we're never were.

49:32.72
danmetiv
Poor old Jeff Jeff sorry sorry if you're listening to our show on Amazon music. We're about to get kicked off Amazon so please.

49:46.28
Naseem
We're never going to get monetized. Um, so ah.

49:48.81
danmetiv
If you're listening on Amazon you can download our podcast from any of the other great players that haven't kicked us off yet.

49:55.44
Naseem
Ah, um, man so I just wouldn't recommend Amazon only because it's like the wild west out there these days you don't know what you're getting anymore. Um, with so many None party vendors. Avoid anything that has a None party vendor. There is.

50:03.75
danmetiv
No, you don't.

50:15.80
Naseem
A sex toy that I am currently coveting right now I have I have wanted it for so long and I just they're out of bit.

56:16.23
danmetiv
Hey Naseem my boyfriend hasn't given me head but 6 times in 3 years he claims this because he's a picky eater. Do I have the right to be mad. Yep.

56:30.22
Naseem
Yes, what does that mean a picky eater is that him trying to be funny. He sounds like a break up with him.

56:35.24
danmetiv
Yeah, that's not funny fuck that dude Yeah, in fact, don't fuck that dude stop fucking that dude you deserve better than that. My goodness.

56:48.92
Naseem
Ah, for real.

56:52.21
danmetiv
Hi Scott you creep ah high feeling I guess he can't hear me that's right.

57:04.32
Naseem
Oh he I'm on the headphones. He can't hear me he can hear me. Um, he's looking at porn on his work computer.

57:15.60
danmetiv
God deem it.

57:22.70
Naseem
It's like don't do that. Don't tell me that it's not porn just still dose. Ah, it was an accident. Um, yeah, so.

57:27.17
danmetiv
It was an accident.

57:37.58
Naseem
He shows like sugars That's pretty funny. Ah funny for me Anyway I know I can't speak for you to got another question Otherwise I'm calling it tonight bro. Okay.

57:47.55
danmetiv
Yep, that's it call it a night. Who Yeah, it's good is Good.